evolution of a painting

"every artist was at first an amateur" - Ralf Waldo Emerson

somewhere along the way, I developed inhibition. I suppose this is not entirely a bad thing...after all, you can only have so many people that strip or meltdown at parties and I already have friends that do that so...

anyway, the offside of developing inhibition is that I also started worrying about what people think about my creativity. You've been there...that point when the idea of drawing or painting or, hell, coloring and cutting out stuff from magazines seems childish. And the inner critic, the one born from the outer critics of your life, starts to say things like 'you aren't an artist', 'you can't draw', 'you haven't taken classes, it doesn't look like picasso so don't waste your time'.

So maybe you stop creating for awhile, even if you crave it, because you're afraid of not being perfect, afraid of being made fun of, afraid of what might come out of you. Who knows.

then one day something starts to shift and the fear of not getting out whatever needs to get becomes more scary than doing it badly. That path for me has been long and windy and has come in fits and starts. I'd collage for awhile and then gain enough confidence to try charcoals. Those first drawings were hesitant and incomplete. Then maybe I'd forget for awhile or get too busy or be too broke...

then the urge would come again. Maybe I'd get a boost from an inspiring book...something like Succulent Wild Woman or an inspiring website like Sabrina Ward Harrison and take a chance. Color pencils, more charcoal, a little more comfort in this space as artist.


then one day, I chanced it. I chanced the inner critic and the painting being or horrible or *gasp* NOT PERFECT and I put paint brusch to canvas. It was a scary experience but also very freeing. I survived the imperfect starts without anything bursting into flames or imploding. Isn't it amazing how things build up in our heads? But I bet I'm not alone. I bet there are many out there with the vague tightness from their inner critic pushing relentlessly against their unexpressed artist. Scared of expressing because something might...well, your not sure but something might happen. Something bad.


when the desire to get something out became all jumbled, I put it down for awhile but always came back to paints and acrylics, the unintentional squiggles and the hesitant lines. Things like this and this further spurned me to create. And to keep at it. And ya know what, I got more comfortable and it was more fun and it mattered less about how PERFECT it was and more about just how much I loved it.

and all of a sudden, I was an artist. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of my art, it only matters what I think of it.


dragonfly challenge: what is your inner artist trying to tell you? What needs to come out? Consider the possibility that letting it breathe won't be the end of the world. Be imperfect. Put pen to paper, cut out images, buy a cheap canvas, use your crayolas. Just express.